10 STEP PROGRAM BY ARCHIE VALENTINO
1. Never, I repeat never leave home sans cape and mask.
2. Alway shoot webs at strangers.
3. Leap off any heightened surface, leaving mother with heart in throat.
4. Climb to the top of pantry or clothes line and then cry for help. Repeat.
5. Launch out from random places to scare the bejeezus out of mum…I mean “Green Goblin”.
6. Constantly sing the Spiderman theme song- with cute made up words and just “da da da’ for the middle parts.
7. Only answer to Spiderman or Peter Parker if you are unmasked.
8. Launch random objects at unsuspecting “badies”. ie. mum and dad.
9. Distinguish between superhero moves. “Spider man dood like dis..” (assume wide stance, forked fingers, lisping sound). “Batman dood like this”… (flat palm, forward lunge and shhhh sound). Lord help you if you mix these up.
10. Line up every superhero figurine according to the healthy toddler OCD manner- all facing the same way with arms and heads in certain positions. Have tantrum if one falls out of place.
Soundtrack: The Ramones, Spiderman.